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I was killed, but I forgot to die: The life of a waiting family

Soon, Serhii made a decision that became another turning point for the family.

“He simply told me that he was joining the Armed Forces because his children should not have to die in this war,” Olena says.

She is proud of his decision and his bravery. But alongside her pride, there is another feeling. “Even with the support of my loved ones, I remain trapped in the illusion that I could have changed something. My inner self-criticism is stronger than any logical reasoning.”

Olena vividly remembers Serhii’s words when he left to join the army. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll come back, and everything will be fine.”

Today, that promise is almost the only thread that still connects her to reality.

Serhii went missing during a combat mission in March 2023. He was supposed to call after returning from his position. The call never came. She tried calling him herself, but his phone was unreachable. She wrote to his comrades and the military unit: “I needed any kind of truth.”

Later, she received a brief message: “They told me that Serhii was missing [in action].”

Olena describes the last 36 months of her life as if she were constantly standing on the edge of an abyss. Her life has turned into a relentless journey between various institutions and organizations: the military enlistment office, the police, the Coordination Headquarters for Treatment of Prisoners of War, the National Information Bureau, the International Committee of the Red Cross, and others. Letters, appeals, calls and trips to other cities for personal meetings have become her new reality.

She did everything she could to keep searching. “I went everywhere I could, everywhere I was advised to go, everywhere I was directed,” says Olena, “But there is no information about my husband.”

Olena quit her job. It became mentally and physically impossible to combine everyday life with the constant search. “It would be much easier if there were a single institution that would help coordinate all these processes and communicate with the families of the missing. The amount of work currently placed on families is so exhausting that there are simply not enough resources for additional concerns,” says Olena.

After Serhii went missing, she received his belongings: clothes and his personal phone. Along with them came silence, which still has no answer. Olena cherishes the hope that Serhiy will return, even though he is officially considered missing in action. She keeps her husband’s phone close by at all times. “Serhii may forget my number, but he will never forget his own. I am waiting for his call.” Olena also continues to send him messages on his phone: “When he comes back, he will read them.”

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